the darkest entry of this blog ever

i'm going crazy.

my rhinitis is killing me and i keep smoking. i smoke even more than usual.

i just bought a pack of instant noodle and god knows, i'm not even hungry.

my mom is in hospital. my wife is nowhere to be found right now.

all of a sudden i realize that this is all about Tyler Derden.

all of a sudden it reminds me of the first scene of the movie "the protege".

which one is more horrified? killing yourself or being nothingness?